Dealing With Covid19 as a Surrogate

As if surrogacy doesn’t have its own set of challenges, throw a little Coronavirus in there and it can feel like a whole new journey you’re taking on. One you didn’t sign up for, because let’s be honest, you didn’t.

No one did.

So now what?

It’s important to acknowledge the emotions felt. Depending on your specific circumstance, it’s normal to feel anxious, depressed or stressed during this time. The unknowns of social distancing and quarantine can feel overwhelming and all consuming.

The first thing one can do after identifying your emotions is ask yourself  what you can control and what you can’t control. Specific ways you can do this is by simply writing them down. Make one column of the things you can control and include what you can do to take care of those tasks so you aren’t feeling overwhelmed by them.

In the second column, list the things you can’t control. After identifying those specifics, decide how you’d like to move through the feelings you’re having surrounding them. Are you feeling like you’d like to learn to let them go? Or maybe you feel like it would better serve you to talk to someone about it. Either way, confronting our fears is the most productive way of moving past them.

Seeking support in your close network can be helpful, but sometimes it makes a difference to seek professional help. Therapy can address the emotions surrounding anything, but especially during this unsure time.

The fear of the unknown often causes us as a whole to panic. And as we know, panic can make us feel and do some irrational things. One way to look at this time of quarantine, is to always remember it’s temporary. Think of some tough times in your past that were temporary. How did you cope? What got you through? And where did you find hope?

Hope is a large aspect of moving through difficult times. It gives us a space to be optimistic while moving through the hardship. Remembering the temporariness and the hope, it will always create a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, it can be easier said than done, but with consistent mindfulness, it will move you through.

At Center for Fertility Support, we offer a ton of support. We contract with agencies to provide monthly check-ins and can increase them during times like this when needed. We offer Virtual Surrogate Monthly Meetups with those same agencies contracted. The meetups are an amazing resource for surrogates during this time. Concerns can be validated and the women can gain feedback from their peers who are going through the same worries and experience. And as always, we provide therapy to all California residents via telehealth during the time of Covid19. Please reach out if you need support.

No matter where you’re at in your surrogacy journey or the degree of your concerns, remember it’s normal to feel scared. It’s normal to feel an array of emotions. Your feelings are valid and we are all in this together.

-Alison Chrun, LMFT

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